Broken Silence
by BrokenHeartsShatteredDreams
Summary: The night after Sam tells Dean those fatal four words, 'No Dean. I wouldn't.' Dean goes silent. He doesn't talk, doesn't sleep, doesn't even move. As time passes, Sam only grows more desperate to get his brother back. Will he ever have his brother back? Or is the damage permanent? Rated M for future chapters. 666 views at last check...creepy much? Lol
1. Prologue

_Author's Note: So, at about 5 in the morning while I was trying to sleep, this idea hit me and I simply couldn't put it off. I picked up my laptop and I just started writing. I'm not too happy with the direction that the 9__th__ season is taking right now (but it's a really, really good way to keep me hooked so I'm definitely not complaining) so I decided to change it. My OTP is definitely Wincest and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to write that aspect of that into this fic. It's going to be a long road to that part of things but I will eventually get there. :) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and review! Also, if anyone out there wants to volunteer to be my Beta Reader I'd love you forever. _

_BrokenHeartsShatteredDreams_

**Prologue**

What do you do when the one person that has _**always **_put you first breaks? When you're the one that caused it? Sam Winchester has made his share of mistakes but the one that haunts him the most is the words that broke his big brother. _No, Dean. I wouldn't. _Four words. Two sentences. That's all it had taken for Dean to snap and the guilt that washes over Sam at the thought of it is enough to send him to his knees. After everything Dean gave up for him, everything Dean did for him...he shatters his brother over one mistake. The worst part? Sam had lied. When he'd said that he wouldn't have done the same thing for Dean...he had been lying through his teeth. He'd do anything for his big brother. Anything. Yet, he'd broken him.

He'll never forget the day he found him. They'd gotten into that argument the night before and Sam had said those words...those horrible words...and he'd walked away without a backwards glance. Maybe if he'd looked back he'd have noticed the light disappearing from his brother's eyes. Maybe he would have seen the single tear that dripped down his cheek or the way his lips silently formed his name. _Sammy_. But he didn't. He left the room and didn't even bother to say goodnight. And the next morning, when he came back...Dean hadn't moved. Not an inch. His eyes were open, staring at a spot on the wall. No matter what Sam did, he didn't respond. Not even his eyes. It was as if...as if his big brother's soul had died. That was impossible...right?

He thought it was Dean's way of getting back at him...at first. By the third day of no movement, Sam had realized that there was something really, really wrong with Dean. He didn't move...and according to Castiel he didn't sleep. He stayed in that chair, staring at that wall, holding that same glass in his right hand. It scares Sam. He was mad before. Madder than he'd ever been in his life. But now all he wants is his brother back. He wanted to hear Dean make a snide comment about his hair, to tease him about something stupid...he wanted his big brother. And the longer he goes without him the more he seems to forget.

They're turning down cases now, ignoring Abbadon and Crowley and the angels. Castiel has taken to checking in on them. He's busy with the other angels but he still finds time to check on Dean every day, to make sure Sam's eating and sleeping and taking care of himself. Sam thinks it's because of Dean...because that's what Dean would tell Cas to do...but Cas scoffs when he says that. He's doing it because he cares, he says, because he too is empty without Dean and he needs for Sam to be okay because he needs him too. And Sam understands.

They've taken to forcing Dean to eat. Cas has to do it because it makes Sam want to die. Cas does it faithfully, every night and Sam is grateful. They've just finished feeding him when Cas tells him his idea one night. It's been six months. Six months since Sam broke his brother. Six months and Dean hasn't made any change. Cas wants to try something. He wants to go inside Dean's mind. And Sam agrees. He agrees because he wants to know what happened. And Cas does it. Sinking down into a chair in front of Dean, he enters his best friend's mind and Sam watches his face. It lasts three hours. Three agonizingly long hours and with every hour he finds himself losing hope. Cas is pale when he opens his eyes again and Sam almost cries at the news.

"He's in there. It's so chaotic, though...I can't make any sense out of it."

"What is he like?"

"It's so dark inside...and he's screaming. All he's doing is screaming. Your name. Your name but I can hear you saying something. Over and over again you repeat it and he screams your name. I...I couldn't even see him. Just his voice."

He's shaking, staring at Dean with tears pooling in his eyes. Sam can picture it, what he just described. Dean's mind...dark, haunted by the memory that had broken him into a million pieces. And now Sam is shaking too, tears rolling down his face as he begs his brother to come back to him. It's no use, of course. He's begged before and it did no good. For a long moment, Castiel is silent and Sam fears he's done something horrible. Finally, he speaks.

"I don't even think he's aware of us. It's like he's retreated so far into himself that he doesn't even remember that we're here."

"How do we fix this? How do I fix this?" Sam begs, taking Dean's too-cold hand in his own.

Cas looks lost. "I don't know Sam. But we will find a way. We have to. Dean is counting on us."

Sam nods, not confident that it's possible but unwilling to believe that there's nothing to be done. It has to be possible. He can't do this without Dean. He's always been there for him. Even when Sam was just an annoying kid and he had girls he could be sleeping with. Dean has been a part of him...the both of you a part of each other for so long that it's not possible for you to live apart. If he's gone...then Sam will be too. He can't do this without him. Not ever. It's impossible. 

"Please Dean. Come back. I can't do this without you buddy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please just come back to me." Sam whispers, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

There's no reply and Sam feels like throwing something. He doesn't have enough energy to do any real throwing so he settles for clenching a fist. Softly, he says goodnight to Cas and retreats to Dean's room. He's been sleeping there lately. It smells like him and makes Sam feel safe. Like when they were kids and Sam would sleep with Dean when they were in the hotel alone together and he got scared. Sometimes, he'll go out to the Impala and put on one of Dean's old tapes and let himself believe that they're out on the road together. He can almost hear Dean singing along, drumming on the steering wheel. Tonight, though, he just goes to the bedroom. He wants to sleep...he's exhausted but the guilt keeps him awake. His arms are itching and he can't stop himself from raising his sleeve and pressing the skin there to his mouth. Biting down, he lets the pain in his chest replace itself with the pain in his arm.

He's been doing that for the past four months. Biting himself...its not something he could ever have done before but it's the only way he gets through the days without his brother now. It's the only way he can look at Dean day in and day out with losing his mind. He makes a few marks on his arm before laying back across the bed. It takes him four hours to fall asleep this time but when he finally does, he dreams of Dean. Tomorrow...tomorrow the cycle will continue but for now he'll deal with dreams of the brother he needs more than he needs his own life.


	2. Interlude One

**Interlude One**

** Dean **

_You're a statue. A shattered statue whose pieces can't be put back together. Your mind is broken, shut in on itself, and you're locked inside of it. Trapped in a place where the only thing you hear is Sammy's words and your own voice screaming. You've been locked away here for so long that you're not even sure how long it's really been. An hour? A year? A day? How long have you been locked away in this dark corner of your own brain? The outside world doesn't exist anymore. Not for you anyways. You're barely even aware of that world now. There are times when you think you can almost feel it. A hand taking your own, Cas' voice talking softly in your ear, Sam's broken whisper pleading for you to come back. And you want to. You want to come back to him, to pull him against you and beg him to never let you leave like that again. But you can't. You're lost inside your own mind and you can't find your way out. It's scary. God it's scary. Not knowing if you'll ever see Sammy's face again, ever laugh at Cas is the scariest thing you've ever been through in your life. You've fought Demons, been to Hell and back but the scariest thing you've ever been through is your own head..._


	3. Chapter 1

**Chapter One **

Sam wakes at four in the morning. His breath comes in short bursts and he's shaking slightly, the nightmare still playing in his head. For a few moments, he lays back in the bed. It's still early after all and he can still get a few hours sleep before Cas arrives. But he knows it's no use. Getting up, he goes to the bathroom to take a short shower. The water is cool, refreshing on his overheated, sweat covered skin and he stands there for longer than he means to. When he comes out, he can hear Cas talking to Dean. As usual, it's a one sided conversation and Sam feels the familiar prick of pain that accompanies it. Dean hasn't moved. Not that Sam expects him to after nearly seven months. He sits down next to him, feeling his chest ache as he takes in his brother's face. It's expressionless but there's pain in his eyes and it tears through Sam, cutting his heart into pieces. Cas meets his eyes, pain reflected there too.

"Still no change." he says, sounding defeated.

"I'm beginning to lose hope that he ever will."

"Don't." Cas says, his voice hard. "If you lose hope, we lose Dean. And we cannot let that happen."

"It's just so hard. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything we've tried has failed. I don't know how much more I can take." Sam's voice is broken, strangled sounding.

"I know. But we cannot give up on him. He never once gave up on us so me have to keep going."

"And we will. Trust me Sam. We will get Dean back. Yes, it may take some time, but we will do it."

"How?"

"We're going to be here for him. He thinks he's alone, that you hate him. The only answer I see is to be there for him. In time, if we continue doing what we are currently doing we will break through to him."

Sam put his head in his hands. "This is my fault. If I had just tried to understand him...this wouldn't have happened. I...damn it!"

Unable to stand it anymore, Sam stood and threw the chair he'd been sitting on against the wall. Somehow, it only made him angrier at himself when Dean didn't move. Growling, Sam collapsed to his knees. Tears streamed down his cheeks in rivers, sobs bursting from him in loud screams. He wept until his face was numb, until his stomach hurt, and still it wasn't enough. The pain lingered there, filling his heart with a weight that wouldn't go away. He knew Castiel was still there, could hear his quiet voice talking to Dean, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

"We will make this right, Sam. Dean would not want you to blame yourself." Cas' voice was gentle when he spoke, barely above a whisper.

"I know he wouldn't. I just…I don't know what to do anymore Cas. I don't know how much longer I can hold on." "You're not doing this alone. If you need a break, take one. But don't give up. Not yet."

Sam shook his head. "I can't take a break. Not while Dean's like this. I'll throw myself into research. I have to get him back. I have to."

Castiel's opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out except for a gasp of shock. He pointed to Dean's face and Sam glanced up, his heart in his throat. Dean was staring at them, his expression pleading. Before his face went back to the blank stare he whispered two sentences.

_"Help me. I love you Sammy."_


	4. Interlude Two

**Interlude Two **

_Dean _

_You can hear it. For the first time in what feels like an eternity. Sammy's voice. It's wrong, though. Broken. Not the voice you love. The sound breaks through your defenses, allowing you to see the tears lining your Sammy's face. That's wrong. He shouldn't cry. He shouldn't ever cry. There's a sudden rush of anger at whoever hurt him but it's washed away but the overwhelming urge to shut down again. You're falling away but it's too soon. You have to tell him. He has to know. You struggle against the bonds that are pulling you back, using the last bit of strength you had to tell him. Sammy needs to know. With the last little bit of strength you possess you tell him the words he needs to hear. _

_"Help me. I love you Sammy." _

_And just like that you're gone. Back into the agony of your own mind, into the knowledge that your Sammy hates you._


	5. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

In the hours that followed Dean's voice, Sam and Castiel worked feverishly to find some way to bring him out of this. He'd asked for help and they would give it. Before, they'd been nearly a hundred percent sure that it wasn't supernatural in origin but now...now they just weren't sure. For all they knew, it could be. Castiel consulted other angels and Sam got a hold of a few demons and it was confirmed that it was more than likely a demonic attack. No one was really sure what Demon had gotten a hold of Dean but they were determined to find out. Especially if they didn't want a pissed off Winchester on their asses...or Castiel hunting them down. (For some reason, Demons were terrified of Sam and Cas.)

It took three days before they found the demon that had done this to Dean. His name was Seth. As far as Sam knew, he and Dean had never encountered him but then again, there were times that they'd been separated. Dean could have encountered him before. It took two months for Castiel to track him down and capture him but once they had, they figured it would be easy for them to get Dean back. Little did they know it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Are you ready to interrogate him, Sam?" Castiel asked once they'd gotten him secured.

"Yeah. Let's get down there."

It was a five minute walk to where they had the Demon trapped but it seemed like it was a million years. Before they opened the door, Castiel gave Sam a hopeful smile and patted his shoulder. It was as close to a hug as you'd ever get with Castiel. By the time they entered, all traces of Sam and Cas were gone. They were Castiel and Samuel Winchester now. Warrior and Hunter.

"What did you do to Dean?" Sam's voice was low, lethal when he spoke.

The demon smirked. "I locked him inside his own mind, of course."

"Why?" Castiel spoke, eyes glittering dangerously.

"It was an order. Crowley gave before he disappeared. I didn't have a chance to carry it out until recently."

"How did you manage to get close enough to do it? Demons can't get in here!"

"He left that night for a few hours. I worked my magic while he was gone. It takes an hour to settle in...he had enough of his waking mind left to get himself home."

"You're going to remove it." Sam ordered, pulling a blade out of his back pocket.

"Can't. It has to be undone from the inside."

"And how would you do that?" Castiel asked.

"I wouldn't. Samuel here would."

"Explain." Sam ordered.

"I'd send you in to Dean's mind...where he is. You'd have to talk him out of whatever Hell his mind has created. It's not an easy job. My work is nearly perfect, you know. I'm quite well known."

"He's the Hell Maker, Sam." Castiel said, reminding Sam about a reference they'd read in one of the books they'd read over the last few months.

"That's the moniker." Seth answered, a playful smirk coloring his lips.

"Do it. Get me into Dean's Hell."

Castiel looked at him. "Are you sure?"

"I have to get him back, Cas. He...he thinks I hate him. I have to fix this."

"If you do this, I'll stay at the bunker with you. You'll need someone to stay here while you do this. Who knows how long it could take."

"All right."

Sam glanced at Seth. "All right."

Seth raised his right hand and pressed it against Sam's forehead. It took only a second before Sam felt the effects. It felt like something was pulling him back, into Dean's subconscious mind. He could hear Dean's voice, a loud scream...but at the same time he was still mildly aware of a conversation around him. Cas was talking to the Demon, his hand on Sam's shoulder. Slowly, Sam felt his consciousness fading even further until the outside world didn't exist. He was fully immersed in Dean's mind. Even his bodily functions did not matter.

The first thing he noticed was the onslaught of emotion that caught his heart. Agony, the kind of ripping agony that tore everything in its path, was ripping its way into his heart. For a moment, it knocked the breath out of him. Was this how Dean felt? The thought brought tears to his eyes but he forced them back. He had to find Dean.

"DEAN?!" His voice was nothing more than a whisper, though he was screaming with all his strength.

There was no reply and he felt like crying. He missed Dean so bad it made his chest ache. As he ventured further into Dean's Hell, he noticed the voice he was hearing was his own. A mantra of his emotionless, 'No Dean. I wouldn't.' whispering at him over and over again until he wanted to scream. This was how Dean felt. This agony, the hatred in his own voice. This was what he had caused. It sent a crack hurtling through Sam's heart as he steeled himself. He would find Dean and he would make it okay. He would fix this even if it killed him.

_Author's Note: I wasn't originally intending to have things end up this way but, after a talk with my best friend, I decided on a certain path for this story. There will be more about Seth in the next chapter (that one will be sort of through Castiel's point of view as he takes care of both brothers) as well as why he chose Dean. Also, Sam may be in Dean's mind but he is definitely not any closer to finding Dean than he was before. He has to come to terms with his own feelings first before he can find him. (This is a Wincest you know.) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this. A few reviews would be nice. * Hint Hint * _

_BrokenHeartsShatteredDreams_


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